Looking back over this year it is amazing the things that have happened...personally and with the church. It has been an amazing year! But with the amazing things that happen come the hard, heart-wrenching obstacles that never seem to cease.
We have seen so many great things this year: people coming to Grace Park who were first met 5 years ago, ppl surrendering to Christ after years of prayer and showing them Christ through love, opening 2 new classes for kids, seeing kids grow in Christ, an amazing kids camp and mission trip right here where we live, and so much more...
Personally I have been blessed to go full time at the church, buy a house in a neighborhood with great neighbors, and am about to be a foster parent of a17 year old.
However, right along with these things came the spiritual attacks, emotional battles and the real battles of finding ppl to volunteer for the classes and camps or having my heart broken or letting my emotions dictate my actions and turn me into someone I don't like. People are messy. Relationships are messy. Inner struggles and self-esteem are messy. In all that messiness, I can't help thinking I am so ready for this year to be over. I have been there for over a month now and that is not at all how I wanted to spend one of the greatest holiday seasons we have.
It has been a long year. With all the great things going on, the spiritual and emotional battles have made it the hardest year ever with the exception of the year my dad died and I was in such a rough placement on the mission field. Satan has attacked at every corner. I have been angry, hurt, have taken responsibility for things i have no control over and have beat myself up over everything b/c I lose my focus. I lose sight of Christ and listen to the lies. Unfortunately, these lies sometimes come in the form of ppl, not just thoughts. I have let them control my emotions and make me skeptical and angry with feelings of unworthiness and incompetence.
So, as many do at this time of year, I think about the new year and what it will bring. It is like I think the new year will wipe away all the hurt, anger and suffering of the last one...as if there is an easy button that you hit when the ball drops and it changes your perspective on things. But we all know that is not the case. Things do not change just because there is a new year.
Why do we decide to make a new year's resolution? Why do we start thinking about them months in advance? If we want to make a change, the time is NOW, whether it is January 1, April 8, September 30, etc. So where am I going with this?...
I can't flip a switch and make all the negativity of the past go away, but I can choose right now not to let it overcome me. I can only do this by staying in God's word, not to say Satan does not attack when I am in His word, but I am better able to withstand those attacks b/c I am prepared. God has made me a new creation. That means all the old things are gone and these attacks are fiery darts that God has given me the power to overcome. But I can't do it alone...and the problem is I try to.
The joys of the past year, the heartaches, the anger, the stress, the friends and family I have been there for and the ones i have let down...i can't change any of that, but I can learn from it. I can be the best friend, sister, daughter, cousin, aunt, etc. I can learn from the stress and I can quit letting Satan's lies get to me. I can do this by walking closely with my Lord and Savior and by realizing the only power I have is that which is given to me by Christ. It is not mine alone.
