Thanksgivng

Thankgiving--the time of year when we make a point to get together with family/friends and talk about our many things for which we are thankful...yes we should be thankful always, but this time of year we tend to reflect more on the blessings in life.

One of my favorite Thanksgiving traditions is to get together with my dad's side of the family at my cousin's house the saturday before or after Thanksgiving.  We eat in the garage and share things we are thankful for from prompts (favorite modern convenience, time of year, etc).  One of the things i most love is how many of our answers turn back to Christ.  This year one of my cousins had the ? "what person in history are you most thankful for?"  His answer was Christ, which is the answer for so many of us, but in this case--well, 2 years ago that would not have been his answer.  His surrender to Christ has been recent and it brings me unspeakable joy to see and hear the difference Christ is making in his life--or in anyone's life.

Another tradition i have kind of adopted is to stay here in TN and have anyone who may not have a place to go, who may not have family around, get together for dinner.  Some friends and I have adopted this tradition together.  It is amazing to see the random families God brings to this event each year.  This year we had 27 ppl gather, some whose families are out of state or not around, some who just needed a place to go.

Two days before Thanksgiving I got a call asking if I could take a girl whose Thanksgiving plans fell through.  I can't begin to imagine what it must feel like to have to spend a holiday at the mercy of ppl you have never even met.  She was very kind and helpful--a 14 yr old who threw the football with the guys, played well with all the kids and was as respectul as she could be.

I am thankful she was able to join us this year.  Her presence also reminded me how blessed i am to have such great friends and family.  I will always have a place to go home to, whether it is my brother's in NY, my mom's in GA, or a friend's here in TN.  On the multiple occasions i have spent Christmas day here, I aways had multiple offers of places to go--ppl i know and love, not random strangers whom i have never met.  Yet so often I take these friends and family for granted.  I forget what a blessing it truly is to have them.  This year, having foster children in my home, I am greatly reminded how God blessed me with the family He gave, with the friends He has made to be my extended family.

"Fix" it

Many of my friends have husbands or dads who just want to "fix" everything. (my dad was like this)  If they are sad, hurt, or frustrated the husband or father wants to offer a solution or take away the pain or problem, but many times this is not possible or actually what is needed.

 Now, we all know I am not a "normal" girl (as some of my friends so graciously pointed out to me this weekend).  I tend to have that same problem--i want to fix things for other ppl. I think we all ache when somone we love is in pain or is going through a hard time, but lately it seems most ppl around me are struggling in some way, whether it be with church, family, finances, the past, whatever.  I just wish I could take away the pain and make it better.  I have it in my head if I just say the right thing, it will make the difference.  I can take away their pain or keep them from self destructing (if that is the case).  Unfortunately, that is not so.

I think back to this summer when i was in such a miserable place.  It seemed that all aspects of life were simultaneously falling apart.  I knew (in my head) the right answers, but i couldnt quite get there.  It didnt matter what anyone said, I had to wrestle it out with myself and with God on my own.  That is where these ppl are, yet for some reason I think I can help them.

I was sitting in church on Sunday listening to the music.  It was all about focusing on Christ and keeping Him in the center and it hit me--i am so wrapped up in trying to fix all these ppl, I am not focusing on God like I should.  This summer I was so wrapped up in my kids and in other ppl i forgot to just reflect on Christ and who he is. Not only that, but nothing i can do or say is going to make a difference in the long run if they are not ready to hear it.  And if i am not focusing on Christ myself, how am I going to point others in His direction.

My biggest problem is that i found myself actig like someone I am not.  I was trying to push a conversation that was not supposed to happen, at least not yet.  Why push it?  B/c I thought i had some major insight that would make a difference.  Please, who am i?  I am giving myself waaayy to much credit.

I am not saying being a friend and listening or offering advice and challenges on occasion are not appropriate or needed.  Those things are definitely needed! But I have to know that my words or actions are not going to change someone elses spiritual or emotional state.  It can help them to know they are not alone and have somone to talk with or cry with, but apart from Christ I can do nothing for them...only with Christ working through me and in them can a difference be made. 

I was trying to make it about me--to accept responsibility for things I have no control over.  If someone wants to self-destruct or stay mad, nothing I say is going to convince them they are wrong (dont worry, i will still try, but i will hopefully listen to God's timing a little more instead of trying to force a conversation someone is not ready to have.

children today

So, I pull up to school today and begin to worry when I do  not see my child.  Upon asking a teacher where she is, I learn she is in the office b/c of a "discipline issue." At my obviously shocked and beginning to get upset face, she quickly explained that Serina was the cussee, not the cusser.  So, why is she being cussed out at school..at all?....

Lets start with yesterday when I picked her up.  There was a girl mouthing off at her when i pulled in. I could tell somethng was up and wanted to put the child in her place b/c it was apparent she was being hateful, but I am not a teacher and did not know the situation.  Well, no sooner was Serina in the car that she told me she was going to see the principal in the morning.

With a bit of investigating I learn this child who was mouthing off had been extremely hateful to her.  They have never talked before and Serina said she was not even talking with her, she was talking to somone else (not that she is always truthful, and she can be sensitive).  I told her to stay away from that girl--she is obviously not a happy child and is just wanting to start something so dont get anywhere near her; but if she did to tell a teacher immediately.  I figured that should be possible since they have never talked before.

...so, back to today...

The way it would seem, according to the counselor is this...Someone asked Serina to come over where the girl was b/c she wanted to ask her a ?.  She asked her if she was a "foster kid."  Serina answered yes and the nice, well meaning child decided to tell her what she thought of "foster kids" in terms that well bred 11 or 12 year olds should not be using, much less even know.

Now, there may have been a bit more to it than that, but still...who does that?  And I dont want to hear that junk about kids being kids or you know how mean kids are b/c honestly, most kids by nature are not that mean.  They are selfish yes, but they become mean b/c they see it or experience it; and since my thoughts about this child and her upbringing are currently not nice and somewhat judgemental, I will keep them to myself and ask for forgiveness, but it truly angers me that she would have to endure comments like that.

The Best Thing Ever

Okay, I know i am not a real parent, and I know I call all the kids I work with "my" kids, but these kids who are in and out of my house I definitely consider to be part mine.  No, I did not give birth to them, but having them live in my house and put up with my rules has to give me some right to claim them at least a little ;~}

Like all parents, I go through many ups and downs with feeling like i may be damaging my kids more than helping them.  But since i have no doubt whatsoever that God called me to do this, my frustrations are alleviated and I trust He will give me wisdom.  Even with all the challenges, i do not regret inviting these kids into my home and sharing life with them.

As I look back over the past several months, i see an 11 year old who still has a ways to go, but is definitely not the same child who entered my house in March.  It is amazing to see how consistency and having positive encouraging ppl in her life have begun to change her (thanks to my community group, church, family and neighbors).  We still have many things to work through, but isnt that just how it goes?

Then I look back at the 17 year old who recently left my home to spend her senior year with a family in her home town.  Boy did we have our ups and downs!  But even with everything we went through, there was a glimmer of hope that something she learned while here, someone she met, made a positive difference.  She talked about the ppl she met at Grace Park, how genuine they are in their faith.  She saw ppl love her unconditionally, even though that didnt look the way she expected it to.

Well, last weekend I got a call from her.  She told me the one thing every Christian parent longs to hear...last week, in her new foster home she accepted Christ!  AWESOME!  What else could a person want to hear?   Even more amazing is the fact that as that was happening, both her RC and I were talking about how we wished she would surrender to Christ and praying for her, not knowing our prayers were being answered right then.

I asked Jessica if she felt different.  She said yes.  She said she always thought when she made that decision things would immediately be easier.  She realizes that is not the case, but now when the choice comes up the answer is more clear than it has been in the past.  She is finding joy in praising God for the blessings in her life.  Oh, life will still be a challenge, but now she has the key to the answers.  It is truly amazing!

There will always be ups and downs with our kids, but the absolute BEST thing in the world is knowing they have surrendered to Christ's call.  May He guide their steps and draw them, and myself, closer to HIM each day!

Best and Worst

So, usually while we are eating we have a "best" and "worst" time.  Each of the girls has to say what was the best and worst part of the day (somehow i never say mine--they dont ask). The other day I had an extra 12 year old (b/c sometime they call and need an emergency respite for someone).  It was just Serina, she and I eating and I asked best and worst for the day...

When it came Tracy's turn (the 12 year old who is many ways is much older) her answer for worst was realizing she is homeless.  And I think i have bad days....I mean, what do you say to that?  The fact is, it is true.  She has no where to go.  That was why she was at my house for a night.  She was actually doing an adoption video the next day to let ppl know she is ready and available to be adopted.

Earlier she told us the foster mother she was just with said her family never loved her.  Now why on earth would you tell anyone, let alone a child, that even if it were true?  I told her I was sure her family loved her in the only way they knew how.  It is possible they never had anyone show them true love so they did not know how to show others.  (theres a bit more to her story, but...)

Needless to say, the worst of my day Wed was seeing the "junk" these kids (and so many others) go through and knowing there are parents, and foster parents, who treat these kids like they are lower than dirt. My best is knowing that even though they dont like it much of the time, at least there are 2 who for the past 5 months or so have at least one person who is consistent in their lives and who truly does care.  They may not  like the way I care sometimes, but they need it.  For once they can rest in safety and though the stresses and junk in life does not go away, it is not as prevelent.  They can just enjoy being kids every once in a while)

Got behind a funeral procession today while in a car full of ppl some of which don't know me at all.  So when i am quiet the rest of the trip and then someone starts being ultra hateful specifically to and about me and i am unsuccessfully fighting back tears...well lets just say it was quite awkward for everyone...and they all thought my issue was the hatefulness.  That did not help of course, but was not my biggest issue.

Plain and simple, I miss my father.  Seeing that funeral and hearing the smart, negative comments in the car about the procession just hit me hard.  They have no clue what it is like to bury your father (with whom you have a special unique bond)  the sunday before Fathers day.  So then every year the anniversary is coupled with the special day for fathers.  No i do not begrudge anyone sharing and enjoying this day or talking about it in my presence.  However, every year it hits at least twice during this month HARD...and never at a convenient time when i am alone.  It always hits when i am in the worst of places to be upset.

And of course this had to be coupled with being spoken to and about so cruelly, which also brings back bad memories.......and then to be having such a rough time, never having time to yourself, yet always being lonely, having amazing friends and family you never get to spend time with, you also get hit with more bad news from home and accusations and animosity from the ppl who should be most supporting you...it seems like it will never end.

 I think all this has made me forget how to sing!  Singing is how i know my inner joy is still there and i barely sing with the radio anymore, much less just singing for the sake of singing.  I cant remember when i last did that...it has been way too long...closer to a year than not.  My brother used to get so mad at me for singing all the time (prob b/c i was way loud and off key). Now i would give anything for him to be mad at me for that.  It would mean i found myself again...maybe someday soon....

Nine years ago my world flipped upside down. My father died and the ppl delivering the news actually took pleasure in doing so. Today, nine years later, my heart still aches and breaks for all the things he has missed--my nephews being born, all the places I have lived, the girls who have joined me living here, and so many more. However, only for my sake, and that of my family am I heart broken. I would never wish him away from Jesus' feet where I long to be myself. But that does not mean I don't miss him continually and wish he were present for...well, for everything.
My father was not perfect by any means, but he always went out of his way to do for others. He drove 5 hours one way just to work on my car (change spark plugs, etc) and take my roommates and i to lunch before making the drive back home. His support for me was unwavering. He never said "I told you so" or discouraged me if I told him I was being led to do something. He encouraged me when things got rough and prayed with me while sending me verses from the Bible (as does my mom).
These characteristics are what comfort and strengthen me when invisioning God as my Father. I had a good example of what that should be--an example my girls do not have. It breaks my heart that the idea of God as a loving Father who supports them and will always be there is such a foreign, fearful even, concept. It does not bring them comfort, joy or peace as it does me. My prayer is that they will somehow be able to see inspite of the obstacles standing in their way.

I know these girls are in my home for a reason. We have faced some not so fun challenges and i have no doubt there are more to come. As frustrating and challenging as it has been, there have been some fun times too--and some great times of reflection. One of these girls has experienced many firsts since being in my home and it has been fun to watch. The other is on a journey discovering God and that He does have a purpose for her. There are no words to express the viewing of this process.
My prayer is that both these girls will discover the truth of God's love and will surrender to Him--that they will know they are loved, cherished and beautiful; that they can see themselves through God's eyes; that they may know my love for them is unconditional even though i may not always show it or it does not look the way they envisioned it.

Emotional basket case

Pretty sure being an emotional basket case is not a good thing for raising a 10 year old and a 17 year old.  Of course they both definitely need to learn to allow their emotions to show and not be afraid of them, but mine are ridiculous.  I blame my grandmother...and believe it or not, I am actually one of the least emotional of all my family.  Scary thought!  Oh well, they will get over it...they have no choice, they are stuck with me.

In being an emotional basket case, i am really struggling with being angry at someone who has put me and caused me to put others in a very awkward position.  I am also angry with myself for being stupid enough to fall into the situation myself.  It irritates me to no end that because of circumstances, I can not just be myself b/c if I am completly honest and opened it will cause discomfort for others around.  Yeah, yeah I know, life is never fair...just deal with it.  Okay...dealing (sort of)

As my emotions and thought churn and battle inside I am surrounded by some of the most amazing friends anyone could have.  Of course that just increases the torrential downpour of tears.  I am more grateful than can be imagined that God has blessed me with such an amazing support group, but being an independent person who needs to prove she can make it as a single mother, single woman, female in a world where males are preferred and dominate and women are stupid emotional beings, it is very diffcult for me to accept that love and support.  Thankfully my friends don't take no for an answer

REALLY!?!

So, I am pretty sure my 17 year old just said she couldn't believe someone good looking would be attracted to me.  Not what she meant, but definitely the way it came out.  She saw a picture of a guy who liked me once upon a time (or at least claimed to) and her response, "Wow, he's really cute.  I wasn't expecting that!"...THANKS JESS!

Okay, i know that isn't what she meant, but really?  Did you have to sound so surprised?  Makes me feel like i am less appealing or less attractive than even i thought i was....oh well.  The good thing is I know she did not mean it that way, but it still kind of stung a bit.

The kicker of the week is this though:  After coming from the mall and buying prom dresses, Easter dresses, flipflops and who knows what else, I hear a rustling in the backseat like something is being openned.  Turns out to be a thing of lipgloss from one of the stores we just left, but i am told it came from the treasure box at school.  REALLY!?! b/c it has the name of the store we just bought your too expensive for a child flipflops.

Remaining very calm (outwardly) i give a chance to come clean, but she is adamant.  So i tell her i will check and if she is lying she will be in even more trouble than if she tells me now...next day...after checking with teachers (b/c i said i would even though i knew the answer) i give yet another change to fess up and get the same story (with slight variation).  REALLY!?!  Are you sure that is the answer you want to stick with?

Verdict:  letter about punishment of stealing to company, essay on why stealing is wrong, essay on why lying is wrong, no radio or friend down the street for 2 days, will have to go to store and admit to stealing, pay for it (but not get it--i will find something to do with it i am sure), pay me $5 for gas (which is going to cost me more than that) and a long discussion on why all this is wrong...then a trip to Marble Slab for underserved icecream and a talk about GRACE...

Is this what I signed up for?  REALLY!?!...I guess it is, and I still have no doubt that, even with the challenges, we are all going to grow out of this..who knows, maybe i'll become a real adult for a change?

The Blind Side

So, while watching "The Blind Side" tonight with my 17 year old who has been living with me less than a week, I comment how hard it would be to just randomly stop on the road and let a stranger in your house. Jessica (my 17 year old) just looked at me as if i were crazy and scoffs. This girl (who spent several hours not talking to me tonight b/c i made her mad or offended her) says, "What do you think you are doing with me and Serina?" (Serina is my 10 year old who has been living here almost 4 weeks. My comment is..."that is a little different"...and to a degree it is. I have no family living in the house to be concerned about. I got a little information and time to make my decisions (sort of)...anyway...

This conversation gave me a new perspective watching the movie. These stories always break my heart and make me want to make a difference in someone's life. But this time, I saw myself in Leigh Anne (Sandra Bullock's character). I actually heard myself saying almost verbatim a few of the things she said to her friends and to Michael in the movie.

The entire night encouraged me, especially after watching Jessica have a difficult day and having her mad at me and knowing that is just part of it. I have not once doubted that she or Serina are supposed to be in my house, at least for now, but i have to admit I have and do wonder if I am doing the right thing or saying the right thing. Am i giving them what they need? Am I ignoring them too much for work, or letting work slip for them? I definitely want them to like me, but am I willing to risk them hating me for a time if it comes to that?

i will say, even while frustrated with me, Jessica still talked about returning to see me after she turns 18 or returns to her family. Maybe I have made at least a small difference, even in just a few days.

i am not looking for approval or pats on the back...just expressing my thoughts and concerns. God called me to do this, and this is only the beginning of a bigger purpose. I just don't know what the purpose is yet. However I do know there will be challenges and roadblocks along the way. I also know i am only here today b/c of the continual prayer support and encouragement I've received from more ppl than I can name.

God has surrounded me with an amazing team to help me though all the trials of parenting, esp the trials of parenting kids who come with pain and baggage. He makes me strong and gives me the days of encouragement to know I am doing right in b/t the days of struggle that weigh heavy on my heart and mind.

All in all, this process has started off smoother than it should have. The girls living with me are precious and wonderfully made. I just pray they will realize how special they are. Serina is sweet and Jessica is fun and bubbly. Pray for me!...pray for them...for us! It has already started off as an interesting adventure.

Confirmation

Ever had a decision to make, made the decision, but still wondered if it was right? What I love when this happens is the confirmation God sends, sometimes from the most unlikely of places or ppl. It doesn't always happen the way I want or think it should, but it does come--if I have been seeking God the entire time.

There have even been situations I have prayed through during the process, seeking an answer, but getting nothing definite. Then, as I continue to pray, I end up being broken and hurt and wondering how this could happen when I have been so diligently seeking to do the right thing. Making the right decision does not mean there will be no heart break. However, I do know this...there is a reason, even if i don't see it right now, or if I never see it. I still have to look at the good in the situation or the ppl so I don't let the hurt become bitterness or resentment.

What happens in these situations is eventually something happens to let me see some reason I had to go through the pain...or I see how I have grown in my faith through it...or both. Sometimes I do not see, but most of the time God uses my experiences to strengthen me and allow me to be there for someone else going through the same thing.

Sometime I get a definite peace about something...but peace does not = not having your heart broken. I have a peace about my father's death, have for years, but I still miss him. I still want him to see where I am now, to know my nephews, to walk me down the aisle if it ever comes to that. My heart breaks multiple times a year--when I am with my family and he isn't there, when I see the first signs of spring or have a Biblical question I want to discuss. However, I am at peace...and I would never wish him back just for my sake. I can even see some of the bigger picture sometimes.

Whatever my situation, God has yet to let me down. He even sends peace and confirmation when I need it most...when I am about to go crazy thinking I have completely ruined my life and/or others lives. More than that though, He gives me strength to get through each day and to come out a better person b/c of it. I just pray my actions, thoughts and words honor Him!

Ending Life as we know it

And tonight my life has changed for good. I had a 10 year old girl move in with me tonight. She has had a rough life that has shaped her in ways i can't even imagine (so pray for my wisdom). Already I am experiencing the changes that come with parenthood in that I am having to cancel my plans for tomorrow night b/c i can't leave my child...not that I am complaining, it is just a fact of life that happened with no warning. One minute i am a single woman, the next I am a woman with real responsibilities that come with complications most parents don't have.

I am excited and nervous all at the same time. This is something I prayed about before getting into and then when I though God may have been telling me to wait, He very obviously said NOW!...and today i have a child. After months of the process, He has chosen to place this girl with me. I am terrified of all that could happen. Yet I know God has a purpose. He placed this child in my care and He will take care of everyone involved.

The person who brought the child to my house is not her regular case worker. She was a little disappointed b/c she has a 12 year old in mind for me to take. We will see what happens. I am praying God's guidance and wisdom. This is going to be an interesting, trying and rewarding journey...and so it begins...

I made the mistake of watching the Bachelor this week--which was highly entertaining for Brandi, who I watched with--and boy did it make me mad! What makes me more mad is how this is the life and entertainment our world is accustomed to--this is "reality" television. Really!

Why on earth would you set yourself up for heartbreak like that. Having your heart broken in the real world by some guy who decides you are not worth his time or trades you in for something "better" or who just doesn't work out is bad enough, but to voluntarily go on television where the world is watching as you let yourself get sucked into someone's lies about how much you mean to him when 10 minutes later he is kissing some other chick saying the same thing...well, you get my point.

All this being said, it was just one more reminder of how out of sync i am with "reality." I truly live in a different world...a world where I want the guy who likes me to like only me that way, to be kissing only me, and to wait until we get married for anything else. Is that really so far fetched? Am I crazy for wanting and waiting for that? And why is it that so many other Christians out there do not feel the same? Are we reading different Bibles? The Bible is clear and still just as true today as it was before. God does not change. His expectations do not change, yet we think we can do what we want with no consequences b/c surely He didn't mean that.

I have been told in the past (by a completely worldly person) that I would never get anyone to date me b/c i am not willing to go to bed with them and any guy who knows that would drop me in a heart beat. Well, my faith in Godly men is not completely shot b/c i know a few who are single and are 110% committed to Christ and following His word. However, if that statement made turns out to be true and I am single for the rest of my life, so be it. At least I can know I did not compromise myself just to combat the loneliness. And yes, sometimes it is lonely, but i refuse to settle. God has that godly man who is to be my husband out there somewhere...and when we meet, God will let us both know we are meant to be together.

My fear is that all these young impressionable teens and girls are seeing these shows and relationships portrayed in television and media and getting the wrong idea. They are learning they should settle and compromise themselves instead of standing up and being who they are with integrity. Yes, you will be ridiculed at some point, but that is nothing compared to the loss of self respect and the emotional turmoil you will add to an already difficult life by giving yourself to any and everyone or by compromising who God has called you to be for the sake of some guy. How can I help them value who they truly are and hold on to all God has for them in a world where that is the most backward thinking anyone can have?

This is just one of my many frustrations with the world today. This world is not my home and i truly feel like an alien in a strange land most of the time, but God has called me here for now and until He calls me home, I will live for Him and hopefully be an encouragement to others to do the same.

changes not so good

So I made a realization this week that has been 9 years in the making. I know there are some things...many things...about me that have changed. Some changes (most, i hope) have been for the better, but not all. One of the changes has been in my openness with others and in letting ppl in. Don't misunderstand...i am very social and good at talking with ppl; and I have great friends who i talk to about things, but i am very good at talking about myself without really saying anything. I have perfected the art of talking in circles. I have also gotten very good at keeping things to myself.

After my dad died, my pain obviously revolved around that heartbreak. It was all I talked about b/c it is what consumed me. Sometimes it still does, but i don't really think anyone wants to hear that all the time, so i hold on to it. For years I have associated the fact that I am not as open with ppl as i used to be with that, but that is not it at all really.

My first mission placement was beyond bad. I had a pastor/supervisor who made accusations against me that could have resulted in a federal investigation, "friends" who i spent all my time with who made up accusations against me that I chose not to fight after the first time b/c it wasn't worth it, and a church who decided to believe the lies of those two families.

My second mission placement began with supervisors who badmouthed the person who had just spent the last 2 years with them. They had control issues like you wouldn't believe. You can imagine we weren't the best of friends. I stayed out of their way, did what was expected, and did my own thing when they were gone...stayed under the radar after the first 2 months of torture and a huge blow up. That worked for us.

So, it is no wonder I am hesitant to voice my opinion or let ppl in...not that I don't ever talk to anyone...but i definitely need to learn to open up a little. I think i am trying to protect my heart (which just got broken recently b/c i let someone in who didn't value it) or trying to protect them from having to listen to me or worry b/c they are far away and don't need to be concerned with my problems, or protecting myself from rejection and criticism (I criticize myself enough, i don't need it from others).

It is odd though. We are all critiqued from time to time, but the critiques of random ppl don't bother me. I don't care if you agree with me or not. It is the fear of disappointing ppl i think i am close to (or want to be close to) that debilitates me.

I have never really considered myself a ppl pleaser, but essentially that is what i am. Now, I don't mind rocking the boat if it is for a cause I believe in. I don't particularly like confrontation, but i can do it. However, I go out of my way to make other ppl happy or comfortable. This is not necessarily a bad thing, but can be when it means I am selling myself short or not voicing my opinions.

I am an independent person. I am intelligent person. I am a woman of integrity, creativity, positivity and joy. But the person i described above is not displaying those characteristics. Those are the characteristics of a wounded, broken individual who has let the world and Satan dictate her actions, thoughts and feelings to a point where she does not even believe in herself. Who have I become?...and where is the real me?...or is this it?

Listening to lies

Everywhere I go, wherever I turn
I seems I'm hitting brick walls or getting burned
an endless maze keeps me twisting and confused
each corner presents one more compelling ruse
The lies continually press into my head
til I can't see the truth or hear what is said
I only hear the lies echoing inside
ripping me apart and ensnaring my mind
how to escape this endless cycle of sin
is a ? that plagues me time and again
for I know it is wrong to listen to lies
my true worth lies only in my Father's eyes
In Him alone should I trust, seek and adhere
If I can do that it will all become clear