Confirmation

Ever had a decision to make, made the decision, but still wondered if it was right? What I love when this happens is the confirmation God sends, sometimes from the most unlikely of places or ppl. It doesn't always happen the way I want or think it should, but it does come--if I have been seeking God the entire time.

There have even been situations I have prayed through during the process, seeking an answer, but getting nothing definite. Then, as I continue to pray, I end up being broken and hurt and wondering how this could happen when I have been so diligently seeking to do the right thing. Making the right decision does not mean there will be no heart break. However, I do know this...there is a reason, even if i don't see it right now, or if I never see it. I still have to look at the good in the situation or the ppl so I don't let the hurt become bitterness or resentment.

What happens in these situations is eventually something happens to let me see some reason I had to go through the pain...or I see how I have grown in my faith through it...or both. Sometimes I do not see, but most of the time God uses my experiences to strengthen me and allow me to be there for someone else going through the same thing.

Sometime I get a definite peace about something...but peace does not = not having your heart broken. I have a peace about my father's death, have for years, but I still miss him. I still want him to see where I am now, to know my nephews, to walk me down the aisle if it ever comes to that. My heart breaks multiple times a year--when I am with my family and he isn't there, when I see the first signs of spring or have a Biblical question I want to discuss. However, I am at peace...and I would never wish him back just for my sake. I can even see some of the bigger picture sometimes.

Whatever my situation, God has yet to let me down. He even sends peace and confirmation when I need it most...when I am about to go crazy thinking I have completely ruined my life and/or others lives. More than that though, He gives me strength to get through each day and to come out a better person b/c of it. I just pray my actions, thoughts and words honor Him!

Ending Life as we know it

And tonight my life has changed for good. I had a 10 year old girl move in with me tonight. She has had a rough life that has shaped her in ways i can't even imagine (so pray for my wisdom). Already I am experiencing the changes that come with parenthood in that I am having to cancel my plans for tomorrow night b/c i can't leave my child...not that I am complaining, it is just a fact of life that happened with no warning. One minute i am a single woman, the next I am a woman with real responsibilities that come with complications most parents don't have.

I am excited and nervous all at the same time. This is something I prayed about before getting into and then when I though God may have been telling me to wait, He very obviously said NOW!...and today i have a child. After months of the process, He has chosen to place this girl with me. I am terrified of all that could happen. Yet I know God has a purpose. He placed this child in my care and He will take care of everyone involved.

The person who brought the child to my house is not her regular case worker. She was a little disappointed b/c she has a 12 year old in mind for me to take. We will see what happens. I am praying God's guidance and wisdom. This is going to be an interesting, trying and rewarding journey...and so it begins...