I went to my friend Brandi's house late tonight to watch Bride Wars thinking I am in for a fun chick movie. A little way into the movie there a scene where Kate Hudson's character has just told her brother she is getting married, then runs from the restaurant. Anne Hathaway follows to find Kate almost hyperventilating, saying she just needs a moment. Anne says "I know, I wish your parents were here too" At that moment I knew I would not make it through the movie without crying.

Later in the movie Kate's brother is getting ready to walk her down the aisle and I loose it. I told brandi it was coming, next thing i knew the flood gates had opened. Not a few tears and muffled sniffs...no, hysterics. Some days I can watch something like this movie and be fine. Obviously today was not that day.

It probably doesn't help that the wedding date in the movie is the anniversary of my father's death, which is coming up in just a month (7 years). The past few years I have just made a point to go out with friends without telling them i was battling the pain until days later if at all. This year the pain is starting early (okay, it never really leaves)

There is just something about watching a movie with a character missing her parents on her wedding day and being able to relate. The no brainers in my wedding (who would walk me down the aisle and give me away) are now some of the hardest decisions I will have to make. Somehow that does not seem fair.

Don't worry...i have dealt with it...i am at peace, but the pain never really goes away. I will always miss my father. And certain circumstances make it that much harder. Thankfully i have friends who are understanding and allow me to cry about it when the need arises. They actually fuss at me for trying to hide it and not cry.

Bottom line: I miss my father!

oh and just to answer the questions i know will come...no, I am not getting married and God has still not brought us together yet...but the thought process is still the same