The Blind Side

So, while watching "The Blind Side" tonight with my 17 year old who has been living with me less than a week, I comment how hard it would be to just randomly stop on the road and let a stranger in your house. Jessica (my 17 year old) just looked at me as if i were crazy and scoffs. This girl (who spent several hours not talking to me tonight b/c i made her mad or offended her) says, "What do you think you are doing with me and Serina?" (Serina is my 10 year old who has been living here almost 4 weeks. My comment is..."that is a little different"...and to a degree it is. I have no family living in the house to be concerned about. I got a little information and time to make my decisions (sort of)...anyway...

This conversation gave me a new perspective watching the movie. These stories always break my heart and make me want to make a difference in someone's life. But this time, I saw myself in Leigh Anne (Sandra Bullock's character). I actually heard myself saying almost verbatim a few of the things she said to her friends and to Michael in the movie.

The entire night encouraged me, especially after watching Jessica have a difficult day and having her mad at me and knowing that is just part of it. I have not once doubted that she or Serina are supposed to be in my house, at least for now, but i have to admit I have and do wonder if I am doing the right thing or saying the right thing. Am i giving them what they need? Am I ignoring them too much for work, or letting work slip for them? I definitely want them to like me, but am I willing to risk them hating me for a time if it comes to that?

i will say, even while frustrated with me, Jessica still talked about returning to see me after she turns 18 or returns to her family. Maybe I have made at least a small difference, even in just a few days.

i am not looking for approval or pats on the back...just expressing my thoughts and concerns. God called me to do this, and this is only the beginning of a bigger purpose. I just don't know what the purpose is yet. However I do know there will be challenges and roadblocks along the way. I also know i am only here today b/c of the continual prayer support and encouragement I've received from more ppl than I can name.

God has surrounded me with an amazing team to help me though all the trials of parenting, esp the trials of parenting kids who come with pain and baggage. He makes me strong and gives me the days of encouragement to know I am doing right in b/t the days of struggle that weigh heavy on my heart and mind.

All in all, this process has started off smoother than it should have. The girls living with me are precious and wonderfully made. I just pray they will realize how special they are. Serina is sweet and Jessica is fun and bubbly. Pray for me!...pray for them...for us! It has already started off as an interesting adventure.