Nine years ago my world flipped upside down. My father died and the ppl delivering the news actually took pleasure in doing so. Today, nine years later, my heart still aches and breaks for all the things he has missed--my nephews being born, all the places I have lived, the girls who have joined me living here, and so many more. However, only for my sake, and that of my family am I heart broken. I would never wish him away from Jesus' feet where I long to be myself. But that does not mean I don't miss him continually and wish he were present for...well, for everything.
My father was not perfect by any means, but he always went out of his way to do for others. He drove 5 hours one way just to work on my car (change spark plugs, etc) and take my roommates and i to lunch before making the drive back home. His support for me was unwavering. He never said "I told you so" or discouraged me if I told him I was being led to do something. He encouraged me when things got rough and prayed with me while sending me verses from the Bible (as does my mom).
These characteristics are what comfort and strengthen me when invisioning God as my Father. I had a good example of what that should be--an example my girls do not have. It breaks my heart that the idea of God as a loving Father who supports them and will always be there is such a foreign, fearful even, concept. It does not bring them comfort, joy or peace as it does me. My prayer is that they will somehow be able to see inspite of the obstacles standing in their way.

I know these girls are in my home for a reason. We have faced some not so fun challenges and i have no doubt there are more to come. As frustrating and challenging as it has been, there have been some fun times too--and some great times of reflection. One of these girls has experienced many firsts since being in my home and it has been fun to watch. The other is on a journey discovering God and that He does have a purpose for her. There are no words to express the viewing of this process.
My prayer is that both these girls will discover the truth of God's love and will surrender to Him--that they will know they are loved, cherished and beautiful; that they can see themselves through God's eyes; that they may know my love for them is unconditional even though i may not always show it or it does not look the way they envisioned it.