Thankgiving--the time of year when we make a point to get together with family/friends and talk about our many things for which we are thankful...yes we should be thankful always, but this time of year we tend to reflect more on the blessings in life.
One of my favorite Thanksgiving traditions is to get together with my dad's side of the family at my cousin's house the saturday before or after Thanksgiving. We eat in the garage and share things we are thankful for from prompts (favorite modern convenience, time of year, etc). One of the things i most love is how many of our answers turn back to Christ. This year one of my cousins had the ? "what person in history are you most thankful for?" His answer was Christ, which is the answer for so many of us, but in this case--well, 2 years ago that would not have been his answer. His surrender to Christ has been recent and it brings me unspeakable joy to see and hear the difference Christ is making in his life--or in anyone's life.
Another tradition i have kind of adopted is to stay here in TN and have anyone who may not have a place to go, who may not have family around, get together for dinner. Some friends and I have adopted this tradition together. It is amazing to see the random families God brings to this event each year. This year we had 27 ppl gather, some whose families are out of state or not around, some who just needed a place to go.
Two days before Thanksgiving I got a call asking if I could take a girl whose Thanksgiving plans fell through. I can't begin to imagine what it must feel like to have to spend a holiday at the mercy of ppl you have never even met. She was very kind and helpful--a 14 yr old who threw the football with the guys, played well with all the kids and was as respectul as she could be.
I am thankful she was able to join us this year. Her presence also reminded me how blessed i am to have such great friends and family. I will always have a place to go home to, whether it is my brother's in NY, my mom's in GA, or a friend's here in TN. On the multiple occasions i have spent Christmas day here, I aways had multiple offers of places to go--ppl i know and love, not random strangers whom i have never met. Yet so often I take these friends and family for granted. I forget what a blessing it truly is to have them. This year, having foster children in my home, I am greatly reminded how God blessed me with the family He gave, with the friends He has made to be my extended family.
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Monday, November 7, 2011
"Fix" it
Many of my friends have husbands or dads who just want to "fix" everything. (my dad was like this) If they are sad, hurt, or frustrated the husband or father wants to offer a solution or take away the pain or problem, but many times this is not possible or actually what is needed.
Now, we all know I am not a "normal" girl (as some of my friends so graciously pointed out to me this weekend). I tend to have that same problem--i want to fix things for other ppl. I think we all ache when somone we love is in pain or is going through a hard time, but lately it seems most ppl around me are struggling in some way, whether it be with church, family, finances, the past, whatever. I just wish I could take away the pain and make it better. I have it in my head if I just say the right thing, it will make the difference. I can take away their pain or keep them from self destructing (if that is the case). Unfortunately, that is not so.
I think back to this summer when i was in such a miserable place. It seemed that all aspects of life were simultaneously falling apart. I knew (in my head) the right answers, but i couldnt quite get there. It didnt matter what anyone said, I had to wrestle it out with myself and with God on my own. That is where these ppl are, yet for some reason I think I can help them.
I was sitting in church on Sunday listening to the music. It was all about focusing on Christ and keeping Him in the center and it hit me--i am so wrapped up in trying to fix all these ppl, I am not focusing on God like I should. This summer I was so wrapped up in my kids and in other ppl i forgot to just reflect on Christ and who he is. Not only that, but nothing i can do or say is going to make a difference in the long run if they are not ready to hear it. And if i am not focusing on Christ myself, how am I going to point others in His direction.
My biggest problem is that i found myself actig like someone I am not. I was trying to push a conversation that was not supposed to happen, at least not yet. Why push it? B/c I thought i had some major insight that would make a difference. Please, who am i? I am giving myself waaayy to much credit.
I am not saying being a friend and listening or offering advice and challenges on occasion are not appropriate or needed. Those things are definitely needed! But I have to know that my words or actions are not going to change someone elses spiritual or emotional state. It can help them to know they are not alone and have somone to talk with or cry with, but apart from Christ I can do nothing for them...only with Christ working through me and in them can a difference be made.
I was trying to make it about me--to accept responsibility for things I have no control over. If someone wants to self-destruct or stay mad, nothing I say is going to convince them they are wrong (dont worry, i will still try, but i will hopefully listen to God's timing a little more instead of trying to force a conversation someone is not ready to have.
Now, we all know I am not a "normal" girl (as some of my friends so graciously pointed out to me this weekend). I tend to have that same problem--i want to fix things for other ppl. I think we all ache when somone we love is in pain or is going through a hard time, but lately it seems most ppl around me are struggling in some way, whether it be with church, family, finances, the past, whatever. I just wish I could take away the pain and make it better. I have it in my head if I just say the right thing, it will make the difference. I can take away their pain or keep them from self destructing (if that is the case). Unfortunately, that is not so.
I think back to this summer when i was in such a miserable place. It seemed that all aspects of life were simultaneously falling apart. I knew (in my head) the right answers, but i couldnt quite get there. It didnt matter what anyone said, I had to wrestle it out with myself and with God on my own. That is where these ppl are, yet for some reason I think I can help them.
I was sitting in church on Sunday listening to the music. It was all about focusing on Christ and keeping Him in the center and it hit me--i am so wrapped up in trying to fix all these ppl, I am not focusing on God like I should. This summer I was so wrapped up in my kids and in other ppl i forgot to just reflect on Christ and who he is. Not only that, but nothing i can do or say is going to make a difference in the long run if they are not ready to hear it. And if i am not focusing on Christ myself, how am I going to point others in His direction.
My biggest problem is that i found myself actig like someone I am not. I was trying to push a conversation that was not supposed to happen, at least not yet. Why push it? B/c I thought i had some major insight that would make a difference. Please, who am i? I am giving myself waaayy to much credit.
I am not saying being a friend and listening or offering advice and challenges on occasion are not appropriate or needed. Those things are definitely needed! But I have to know that my words or actions are not going to change someone elses spiritual or emotional state. It can help them to know they are not alone and have somone to talk with or cry with, but apart from Christ I can do nothing for them...only with Christ working through me and in them can a difference be made.
I was trying to make it about me--to accept responsibility for things I have no control over. If someone wants to self-destruct or stay mad, nothing I say is going to convince them they are wrong (dont worry, i will still try, but i will hopefully listen to God's timing a little more instead of trying to force a conversation someone is not ready to have.
Thursday, November 3, 2011
children today
So, I pull up to school today and begin to worry when I do not see my child. Upon asking a teacher where she is, I learn she is in the office b/c of a "discipline issue." At my obviously shocked and beginning to get upset face, she quickly explained that Serina was the cussee, not the cusser. So, why is she being cussed out at school..at all?....
Lets start with yesterday when I picked her up. There was a girl mouthing off at her when i pulled in. I could tell somethng was up and wanted to put the child in her place b/c it was apparent she was being hateful, but I am not a teacher and did not know the situation. Well, no sooner was Serina in the car that she told me she was going to see the principal in the morning.
With a bit of investigating I learn this child who was mouthing off had been extremely hateful to her. They have never talked before and Serina said she was not even talking with her, she was talking to somone else (not that she is always truthful, and she can be sensitive). I told her to stay away from that girl--she is obviously not a happy child and is just wanting to start something so dont get anywhere near her; but if she did to tell a teacher immediately. I figured that should be possible since they have never talked before.
...so, back to today...
The way it would seem, according to the counselor is this...Someone asked Serina to come over where the girl was b/c she wanted to ask her a ?. She asked her if she was a "foster kid." Serina answered yes and the nice, well meaning child decided to tell her what she thought of "foster kids" in terms that well bred 11 or 12 year olds should not be using, much less even know.
Now, there may have been a bit more to it than that, but still...who does that? And I dont want to hear that junk about kids being kids or you know how mean kids are b/c honestly, most kids by nature are not that mean. They are selfish yes, but they become mean b/c they see it or experience it; and since my thoughts about this child and her upbringing are currently not nice and somewhat judgemental, I will keep them to myself and ask for forgiveness, but it truly angers me that she would have to endure comments like that.
Lets start with yesterday when I picked her up. There was a girl mouthing off at her when i pulled in. I could tell somethng was up and wanted to put the child in her place b/c it was apparent she was being hateful, but I am not a teacher and did not know the situation. Well, no sooner was Serina in the car that she told me she was going to see the principal in the morning.
With a bit of investigating I learn this child who was mouthing off had been extremely hateful to her. They have never talked before and Serina said she was not even talking with her, she was talking to somone else (not that she is always truthful, and she can be sensitive). I told her to stay away from that girl--she is obviously not a happy child and is just wanting to start something so dont get anywhere near her; but if she did to tell a teacher immediately. I figured that should be possible since they have never talked before.
...so, back to today...
The way it would seem, according to the counselor is this...Someone asked Serina to come over where the girl was b/c she wanted to ask her a ?. She asked her if she was a "foster kid." Serina answered yes and the nice, well meaning child decided to tell her what she thought of "foster kids" in terms that well bred 11 or 12 year olds should not be using, much less even know.
Now, there may have been a bit more to it than that, but still...who does that? And I dont want to hear that junk about kids being kids or you know how mean kids are b/c honestly, most kids by nature are not that mean. They are selfish yes, but they become mean b/c they see it or experience it; and since my thoughts about this child and her upbringing are currently not nice and somewhat judgemental, I will keep them to myself and ask for forgiveness, but it truly angers me that she would have to endure comments like that.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
The Best Thing Ever
Okay, I know i am not a real parent, and I know I call all the kids I work with "my" kids, but these kids who are in and out of my house I definitely consider to be part mine. No, I did not give birth to them, but having them live in my house and put up with my rules has to give me some right to claim them at least a little ;~}
Like all parents, I go through many ups and downs with feeling like i may be damaging my kids more than helping them. But since i have no doubt whatsoever that God called me to do this, my frustrations are alleviated and I trust He will give me wisdom. Even with all the challenges, i do not regret inviting these kids into my home and sharing life with them.
As I look back over the past several months, i see an 11 year old who still has a ways to go, but is definitely not the same child who entered my house in March. It is amazing to see how consistency and having positive encouraging ppl in her life have begun to change her (thanks to my community group, church, family and neighbors). We still have many things to work through, but isnt that just how it goes?
Then I look back at the 17 year old who recently left my home to spend her senior year with a family in her home town. Boy did we have our ups and downs! But even with everything we went through, there was a glimmer of hope that something she learned while here, someone she met, made a positive difference. She talked about the ppl she met at Grace Park, how genuine they are in their faith. She saw ppl love her unconditionally, even though that didnt look the way she expected it to.
Well, last weekend I got a call from her. She told me the one thing every Christian parent longs to hear...last week, in her new foster home she accepted Christ! AWESOME! What else could a person want to hear? Even more amazing is the fact that as that was happening, both her RC and I were talking about how we wished she would surrender to Christ and praying for her, not knowing our prayers were being answered right then.
I asked Jessica if she felt different. She said yes. She said she always thought when she made that decision things would immediately be easier. She realizes that is not the case, but now when the choice comes up the answer is more clear than it has been in the past. She is finding joy in praising God for the blessings in her life. Oh, life will still be a challenge, but now she has the key to the answers. It is truly amazing!
There will always be ups and downs with our kids, but the absolute BEST thing in the world is knowing they have surrendered to Christ's call. May He guide their steps and draw them, and myself, closer to HIM each day!
Like all parents, I go through many ups and downs with feeling like i may be damaging my kids more than helping them. But since i have no doubt whatsoever that God called me to do this, my frustrations are alleviated and I trust He will give me wisdom. Even with all the challenges, i do not regret inviting these kids into my home and sharing life with them.
As I look back over the past several months, i see an 11 year old who still has a ways to go, but is definitely not the same child who entered my house in March. It is amazing to see how consistency and having positive encouraging ppl in her life have begun to change her (thanks to my community group, church, family and neighbors). We still have many things to work through, but isnt that just how it goes?
Then I look back at the 17 year old who recently left my home to spend her senior year with a family in her home town. Boy did we have our ups and downs! But even with everything we went through, there was a glimmer of hope that something she learned while here, someone she met, made a positive difference. She talked about the ppl she met at Grace Park, how genuine they are in their faith. She saw ppl love her unconditionally, even though that didnt look the way she expected it to.
Well, last weekend I got a call from her. She told me the one thing every Christian parent longs to hear...last week, in her new foster home she accepted Christ! AWESOME! What else could a person want to hear? Even more amazing is the fact that as that was happening, both her RC and I were talking about how we wished she would surrender to Christ and praying for her, not knowing our prayers were being answered right then.
I asked Jessica if she felt different. She said yes. She said she always thought when she made that decision things would immediately be easier. She realizes that is not the case, but now when the choice comes up the answer is more clear than it has been in the past. She is finding joy in praising God for the blessings in her life. Oh, life will still be a challenge, but now she has the key to the answers. It is truly amazing!
There will always be ups and downs with our kids, but the absolute BEST thing in the world is knowing they have surrendered to Christ's call. May He guide their steps and draw them, and myself, closer to HIM each day!
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Best and Worst
So, usually while we are eating we have a "best" and "worst" time. Each of the girls has to say what was the best and worst part of the day (somehow i never say mine--they dont ask). The other day I had an extra 12 year old (b/c sometime they call and need an emergency respite for someone). It was just Serina, she and I eating and I asked best and worst for the day...
When it came Tracy's turn (the 12 year old who is many ways is much older) her answer for worst was realizing she is homeless. And I think i have bad days....I mean, what do you say to that? The fact is, it is true. She has no where to go. That was why she was at my house for a night. She was actually doing an adoption video the next day to let ppl know she is ready and available to be adopted.
Earlier she told us the foster mother she was just with said her family never loved her. Now why on earth would you tell anyone, let alone a child, that even if it were true? I told her I was sure her family loved her in the only way they knew how. It is possible they never had anyone show them true love so they did not know how to show others. (theres a bit more to her story, but...)
Needless to say, the worst of my day Wed was seeing the "junk" these kids (and so many others) go through and knowing there are parents, and foster parents, who treat these kids like they are lower than dirt. My best is knowing that even though they dont like it much of the time, at least there are 2 who for the past 5 months or so have at least one person who is consistent in their lives and who truly does care. They may not like the way I care sometimes, but they need it. For once they can rest in safety and though the stresses and junk in life does not go away, it is not as prevelent. They can just enjoy being kids every once in a while)
When it came Tracy's turn (the 12 year old who is many ways is much older) her answer for worst was realizing she is homeless. And I think i have bad days....I mean, what do you say to that? The fact is, it is true. She has no where to go. That was why she was at my house for a night. She was actually doing an adoption video the next day to let ppl know she is ready and available to be adopted.
Earlier she told us the foster mother she was just with said her family never loved her. Now why on earth would you tell anyone, let alone a child, that even if it were true? I told her I was sure her family loved her in the only way they knew how. It is possible they never had anyone show them true love so they did not know how to show others. (theres a bit more to her story, but...)
Needless to say, the worst of my day Wed was seeing the "junk" these kids (and so many others) go through and knowing there are parents, and foster parents, who treat these kids like they are lower than dirt. My best is knowing that even though they dont like it much of the time, at least there are 2 who for the past 5 months or so have at least one person who is consistent in their lives and who truly does care. They may not like the way I care sometimes, but they need it. For once they can rest in safety and though the stresses and junk in life does not go away, it is not as prevelent. They can just enjoy being kids every once in a while)
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Got behind a funeral procession today while in a car full of ppl some of which don't know me at all. So when i am quiet the rest of the trip and then someone starts being ultra hateful specifically to and about me and i am unsuccessfully fighting back tears...well lets just say it was quite awkward for everyone...and they all thought my issue was the hatefulness. That did not help of course, but was not my biggest issue.
Plain and simple, I miss my father. Seeing that funeral and hearing the smart, negative comments in the car about the procession just hit me hard. They have no clue what it is like to bury your father (with whom you have a special unique bond) the sunday before Fathers day. So then every year the anniversary is coupled with the special day for fathers. No i do not begrudge anyone sharing and enjoying this day or talking about it in my presence. However, every year it hits at least twice during this month HARD...and never at a convenient time when i am alone. It always hits when i am in the worst of places to be upset.
And of course this had to be coupled with being spoken to and about so cruelly, which also brings back bad memories.......and then to be having such a rough time, never having time to yourself, yet always being lonely, having amazing friends and family you never get to spend time with, you also get hit with more bad news from home and accusations and animosity from the ppl who should be most supporting you...it seems like it will never end.
I think all this has made me forget how to sing! Singing is how i know my inner joy is still there and i barely sing with the radio anymore, much less just singing for the sake of singing. I cant remember when i last did that...it has been way too long...closer to a year than not. My brother used to get so mad at me for singing all the time (prob b/c i was way loud and off key). Now i would give anything for him to be mad at me for that. It would mean i found myself again...maybe someday soon....
Plain and simple, I miss my father. Seeing that funeral and hearing the smart, negative comments in the car about the procession just hit me hard. They have no clue what it is like to bury your father (with whom you have a special unique bond) the sunday before Fathers day. So then every year the anniversary is coupled with the special day for fathers. No i do not begrudge anyone sharing and enjoying this day or talking about it in my presence. However, every year it hits at least twice during this month HARD...and never at a convenient time when i am alone. It always hits when i am in the worst of places to be upset.
And of course this had to be coupled with being spoken to and about so cruelly, which also brings back bad memories....
I think all this has made me forget how to sing! Singing is how i know my inner joy is still there and i barely sing with the radio anymore, much less just singing for the sake of singing. I cant remember when i last did that...it has been way too long...closer to a year than not. My brother used to get so mad at me for singing all the time (prob b/c i was way loud and off key). Now i would give anything for him to be mad at me for that. It would mean i found myself again...maybe someday soon....
Monday, June 6, 2011
Nine years ago my world flipped upside down. My father died and the ppl delivering the news actually took pleasure in doing so. Today, nine years later, my heart still aches and breaks for all the things he has missed--my nephews being born, all the places I have lived, the girls who have joined me living here, and so many more. However, only for my sake, and that of my family am I heart broken. I would never wish him away from Jesus' feet where I long to be myself. But that does not mean I don't miss him continually and wish he were present for...well, for everything.
My father was not perfect by any means, but he always went out of his way to do for others. He drove 5 hours one way just to work on my car (change spark plugs, etc) and take my roommates and i to lunch before making the drive back home. His support for me was unwavering. He never said "I told you so" or discouraged me if I told him I was being led to do something. He encouraged me when things got rough and prayed with me while sending me verses from the Bible (as does my mom).
These characteristics are what comfort and strengthen me when invisioning God as my Father. I had a good example of what that should be--an example my girls do not have. It breaks my heart that the idea of God as a loving Father who supports them and will always be there is such a foreign, fearful even, concept. It does not bring them comfort, joy or peace as it does me. My prayer is that they will somehow be able to see inspite of the obstacles standing in their way.
I know these girls are in my home for a reason. We have faced some not so fun challenges and i have no doubt there are more to come. As frustrating and challenging as it has been, there have been some fun times too--and some great times of reflection. One of these girls has experienced many firsts since being in my home and it has been fun to watch. The other is on a journey discovering God and that He does have a purpose for her. There are no words to express the viewing of this process.
My prayer is that both these girls will discover the truth of God's love and will surrender to Him--that they will know they are loved, cherished and beautiful; that they can see themselves through God's eyes; that they may know my love for them is unconditional even though i may not always show it or it does not look the way they envisioned it.
My father was not perfect by any means, but he always went out of his way to do for others. He drove 5 hours one way just to work on my car (change spark plugs, etc) and take my roommates and i to lunch before making the drive back home. His support for me was unwavering. He never said "I told you so" or discouraged me if I told him I was being led to do something. He encouraged me when things got rough and prayed with me while sending me verses from the Bible (as does my mom).
These characteristics are what comfort and strengthen me when invisioning God as my Father. I had a good example of what that should be--an example my girls do not have. It breaks my heart that the idea of God as a loving Father who supports them and will always be there is such a foreign, fearful even, concept. It does not bring them comfort, joy or peace as it does me. My prayer is that they will somehow be able to see inspite of the obstacles standing in their way.
I know these girls are in my home for a reason. We have faced some not so fun challenges and i have no doubt there are more to come. As frustrating and challenging as it has been, there have been some fun times too--and some great times of reflection. One of these girls has experienced many firsts since being in my home and it has been fun to watch. The other is on a journey discovering God and that He does have a purpose for her. There are no words to express the viewing of this process.
My prayer is that both these girls will discover the truth of God's love and will surrender to Him--that they will know they are loved, cherished and beautiful; that they can see themselves through God's eyes; that they may know my love for them is unconditional even though i may not always show it or it does not look the way they envisioned it.
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